The Best & The Worst.

I feel invisible when I don the cap, and walk the streets. I put my best poker face on, and the people passed me unseeing. I saw this guy I know, and he totally ignored me. Not to mention it’s night time.

I want to sit down and watch the people scuttle by like tiny army ants. Left right left, oh they disappeared. Look at the crowd dispersion, and the changing moods of the sky. The cars to zoom by. All the while looking in, like the front row seat to a much anticipated show.

The heart feels rather unsettled now. Sigh.

I was wondering why I chose to see academia as something worthy of my notice. Why do I place myself against its criteria time and again and again and find myself lacking?

Why do I view others’ words as important? These are their views of me, not what I really am. I was telling God during the sojourn home that I don’t want hollow words from Man, I want God’s acknowledgement. I don’t want forced words.

And I’m wondering how – how do I craft my soul  in words, for you to grasp and understand. I’m translating as if these English words are not my heart origins.

Why? Why.

I’m tired.

Rain down; all around the world we’re singing.

The next week promises to be a jam-packed week as well.

Maybe the week after that.. we can slow down, take a breather.

I realize I am rather claustrophobic. I see so many people and I get agitated/edgy/whatever you call it. However, Palawan reminds me of Pangkor island in the early morning. Those Lumut days..
Dear God. You know my thoughts, my moods. Please, let me feel as if you understand, you acknowledge.

Work tomorrow.

Thanks for her replies. That quick bus ride when I was close to dying point.  The food when I reached home. The company I had. Sherlyn/Elise’s quick concern.

There are so many things to say, to write – but I’m off soon.