Do you get questions that jolt the heart and silence the mouth? I was there in the train with the classmates but even as we talked I felt a sense of loneliness. Who am I. What do I do. So on and so forth. A bruising question that marks the keening fact that I am one and you, you’re another. I know my mind, and you yours but each progresses on a different path.
There’s this feeling – as if I’m rather detached from the world. I look at you, and I think, is that a diffracted image of you I’m seeing?
I’m extremely tired, and my attention span is not what it usually is. It jumps, it runs, it hides. It’s currently ignoring you right now.
Then again, I am quite happy in republic. This is a redundant statement, but I shall elaborate further. I enjoy researching, except for Science modules because the scientists don’t write in simple language for me to comprehend. I usually keep my mouth shut unless I have an opinion to voice, but in school I’m defending the facts, not the person.
Shrugs, I don’t know if I’d still feel this way in Year 2. I’ve seen my coursemates, and they seem to be the cream of the crop. It was really agonizing to see a GPA of 3.9 for this unknown person up on the screen. But I’m aiming for 3.7 for the next semester, and less skiving.
I’m worried what the future will bring – a career? An aspiration.
But this is long-term. I should think more about my short term goals. And they are making a rather big mess in my mind.
It’s cold here, and I’m slightly miffed that the post disappeared.
To cut the long story short, I am a little out of sorts today. Just finished a book, and the sombre mood caught me I guess. How the thoughts articulated startlingly clear yet elusive. Hm. Don’t you think it’s hard work painting down your thoughts?
This journal has become a place for random, on-the-spot musings. I don’t think it’s bad. It’s just that the train of thought never really show itself here. And that’s okay. I don’t think I’m completely ready to be totally honest here.
I’m cold, and it’s getting harder to breathe. Maybe I will go home soon.
I am down with flu, and a serious need for sleep. Just checked the module grade summary for tomorrow’s lesson, but I guess I shouldn’t skip.
Sighs seem to take up alot of my breath. I sigh, sigh, and sigh again. As if I sighed long enough, it’d be actualized and people will understand.
That’s silly of me. Will hasten to clear the air, before a sigh darkens it again.
I need vitamin C.
Like a cup of water that’s been left out in the cold & now it’s frozen. It becomes the infamous popsicle. But when the frozen melts, it hurts. Like when you get so cold then when you warm up, the blood flows stronger and faster and it hurts.
There are some things I think I should not be angled towards, but I still am anyway. I am very angry, but I don’t think you can tell the difference anyway. And now everything’s retreating I’m not gonna repeat this fiasco.
For some reason, 1Tim3:5 encouraged me. “If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?”
I think I’m falling sick because I’m v tired these days and my eyes are failing me. Accelerated degeneration?
Maybe a v v v long run plus a book plus death like sleep will help.
For awhile, I stared at the stars. It’s rare to see them in this concrete jungle.
Reminds me of a lot of things. This and that, that and this.
Not that it’d matter to you. Not that it should matter to me. The memory, once so vivid in 256 colors, is now fading away and it’s sad that the more it fades, the more I realize there never was anything to begin with.
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It was fun being with the classmates today. If it means anything, I laughed till I cried.
I also skidded and fell on the side of the hip.
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Last week of school starting in – 60 hours.
Sometimes you get sucked into life and all that the world has to offer. You forget the niggling thought, and push it to the back of your mind. You stand on one foot, leaning against the handle even as you fight sleep. You think of a million and one things but that thought – it stays. It stays!
Now it’s rearing its ugly head, and I’m feeling a little downtrodden. I never asked for you to do that. Why do you poke your nose into where it is none of your concern?
But the truth, the truth and nothing but the truth is that the fact remains – I need better control and I need to address this issue. The number game teases my mind and yeah it is still the truth: I am old enough to take responsibility. I know what needs to be done, but somehow the mind recoils from the particular subject.
I shouldn’t entrust to he who is much too young to know the difference.
