& a whole new heart, all over again.

“My heart keeps vying for other things.”

That line is so true of my life, and my circumstance just right now. Every time I should be doing something I know I should, things just pile up in my mind, in my way and I hasten to place them neatly before discovering time’s running out. Every time I set to do something, with real determination, it gets beaten down halfway through. Oh Lord, I need self-control.

Somehow I lose all peace within day by day, day by day. And I think that shouldn’t be happening, yet it is. I know I should be going back to God, trudging back as best as i can yet the legs hang heavy here in the mud. Yknw I have dreams yet right now at the ripe age of seventeen going eighteen, I am stuck and wondering how to move on.

I know my Lord gives me the strength to go on and do life, but I just think that these insignificant daily events shouldn’t be that hard to live, isn’t it?

Sometimes things just need to be taken at surface value.

Sometimes  you just gotta wait it out.

The Obvious in Life.

They say we widen our perspectives when we take a break from our normal world and indulge in conversations with people we hardly come in contact with.

Yeah please I need some conversations or articles or books or whatever to remind me that life is not all about academia. I am taxed by pressure left, right and center – the need to perform better, better because I want a good enough GPA for uni admission. (I need to remind myself essentially a diploma is just a piece of paper, and that to some its waste paper. I constantly feel as though I’m grasping at straws because somehow someway I think I’m to grasp an important concept that would be important for the future yet.. I am here, lacking.)

However all is not bad because I do have a fantastic class. :) Hooray for E65N! I guess one thing I’ve come to learn in this class is the ability to separate work from personal life, and that is just such a good trait to have. I’m really thankful that this class is not a cut-throat place, where we put down others just to get our own grades, or even worse. So yes, thanks to God!

Man, I’m really drained today so.. I’m off for now.

to me.

Hello World.

You are You, with all Your big thoughts and wild people and I see You marching by. Do You see me? No I doubt You did because I am shrinking back and I don’t want You to see me. I want to hide my thoughts and my ways from You – You are You and I am myself and never shall the twain meet.

Your thoughts and mine, they are so dissimilar. Out of Your world? Perhaps yes I am. But I still wanna sit here and dwell and watch You go Your merry way laugh at the blunders You make, and perhaps berate myself for what I should be doing.

Makes you Stronger.

This is not a sudden frenzy. But I just think that emotions are useless, sometimes. Well okay, most of the times. It stops me from so many things. And sigh, I always hafta fight and think not my will but yours be done. Why.

& the curtains close.

I’m hungry and I’ve gained a gazillion pounds today due to the intake of food food food ice cream ice cream and the decision to stay home and skip instead of running in the open air. I need discipline man – coupled that with the fact that I am working tomorrow and coming in close contact with ice cream..

The Ice Cream Gallery’s having a major employee turnover, and finally I am not to be the newest employee there anymore. But somehow I feel like taking a breather, bowing out from work, from school and taking time out to be alone.

I know the years are catching up with me, and I am playing a cat and mouse game with time but I just can’t seem to stop. This fascination with split second punctuality and lateness is causing me heartache, and moneyache.

Slow down, slow down. Slooooooooooooooooow down.

put down your knife, and I’ll put down my shield. If you promise me a draw, I’ll tell you how I feel.

The stamina’s pretty weak now. Damn I need to run.

Hopefully going for a morning jog since I’m all wide awake now at one in the morning. The clothes are in their second spin in the washing machine, since the first wash ended up with a weird smell. Ah, the joys of seemingly independent tasks I need to do myself now. (Sense the sarcasm, do you!)

(Wait a minute, I will need to wash the socks as well then.)

I think that I’ve been locking myself out of the heart’s room, and now I stand unsure of its condition. Well? Or am I just deluding myself? Like a familiar stranger now, it seems. What happened to the history?