you say you gotta find yourself.

I’m a happy kid now because apparently my throat’s all the better! At least I’m not coughing every minute now. Thanks God, and the people who prayed! :)

Okay no God, this can’t be it. I feel the beginnings of a fever. Damnnn.

I guess I’m pretty disjointed now. Kinda happy, kinda sad. Sometimes the mood really switches with the surroundings. I used to think it has got to do with me being inauthentic, but now that I think about it: I don’t think so. Its just that the surroundings changes, and in turn, so do my thoughts and feelings.

Anyway there are many things I need to do before I leave for Darwin. There, I’ve said it. I’m going for a four day trip to Australia (Short, I know. I will do longer next time.) and I haven’t got many things ready. And now I’m down with some sort of bug, I dont know if I can get through customs.

I’m pretty scared, but I’m pretty excited too. Yknw sometimes I’m scared but I tell myself to just bulldoze through and wait for the ending. Just run through. The event, the day will pass. And all that is left behind is myself, with the memories. Nothing more, nothing less. Somehow that comforts me, settles my nerves. Meanwhile the event passes by, and I am all the more richer because of it.

Its been a long time since I wrote such a long, and disjointed post. But its also been a long time since I even wanted to write here. More often than not, I am wondering what this journal is for. What the readers are looking for. Who am I writing for.

Do you want my life? My thoughts? Or are you just a stalker?

I disagree with the idea that I write for myself. Yes I do. I keep it locked in a journal that only I and God sees. This journal is to be balanced. For you, for me. How does it enrich? How does it enable?