This heart wants to do right.
There is something missing. Something that is so near yet when I turn, it disappears. Funny how it is, isn’t it? I always tell myself that if it’s worth it, it would come back to you somehow.
These days, we’ve been living from hand to mouth. I’ve got a day more at the shop, and it is suddenly overwhelming: I don’t seem to be awfully free these days. But July is almost over, and I’m glad. It means a lot of things. It foreshadows a lot of things. I’m glad.
It’s awfully sad that I know the standard answers, and would preach it to the people yet I find myself lacking every time I search deep within. What would I want for myself, my sheep, my family, my caregroup, my life? I’ve got to settle down my heart and sort it out with God with me on my knees. I’d really yearn to do my best so that you can have the best. So that I can claim the promise that if a single seed dies, many more will multiply.
I’m waiting for a few answers, and well. I’m still waiting. Of course, there is this likelihood that they are going to be negative, seeing how late into the month it is already. But even as the heart sinks down, down, down, there is a tiny flame of hope that causes it to rise abit. It’s a hard feeling to stomach, I can tell you. How the heart juggles around even though it is not an experienced clown, how it hammers and hammers and I think I’m going to die any moment soon.
More and more I find myself falling for theatre. I love how the front of stage is like, and I love being behind the scenes, working the magic and hearing the audience’s emotions. I love how dynamic the stage really is, and how an actor can vary his lines every time the play is staged and be nervous every single time. The scripts are interesting as well: I wonder what made the playwrights tick, and I wonder how long they struggled with the piece. If they were as perfect as the playwrights wanted them to be.
Ah. I’m rambling on, and this is where I will end.
Running tonight, hopefully, hopefully. If the heart doesnt give way.
