things are almost over, the year is almost drawing to a close. i’m tired, but the days are now longer.

I’m now at starbucks, trying to do the work I’ve neglected over the weekend, but here I am slacking without a clue. soy chai tea latte is my new love, and :))

the camp over the weekends was good. but now, thinking back and pondering, it makes me a tad sadder that i’m going to leave this school, and the people i’ve come to know through the years.

2009 will leave like the morning mist, and 2010 will come like a thief. here i am, sitting and acknowledging the fact, and at the same time dreading it. i’m 19, i’m happy, this is my comfort zone, please – dont take this away from me?

i dont know what 2010 will hold, and i’m faced with a lot of trepidation and nervousness. where to go? what to do? these decisions play around in my mind all the time and i’m without a clue. if only i can go on like this; starbucks when i feel like it, quiet days alone, whirlwind days outside, riding my bike, writing, hanging out with friends, school with the diem people – hey, i think my life is pretty much complete.

it took me this long to find my place and footing, and now to take it away is absolutely tragic. we all have to leave this academic institution, we have to all start over again, from the bottom up. i’m struggling to put these mixed and gray emotions down on print for you to comprehend, but i doubt i am doing a very good job.

right here right now, i am grasping at straws: trying where i never tried before, thinking about holding on. but this can only happen when both hands take a chance and clap, instead of me standing alone.

then again, when i look at this special circumstance that made me happy (an early christmas gift perhaps) and break me so much.. maybe everything right now is all that there is. I’m always the one left standing, holding on to naught.

wishful thinking, naive hopes.

(watch me.)

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