Tonight was the night I slept the earliest, at about midnight. But I woke up at 3zm and though the eyes are bleary, I can’t sleep anymore. I’m tired, my nerves are shot, and well I’m nothing currently.
I’ve been meaning to deal with the house for the longest time ever, so let’s hope this weekend is some good downtime to paint the walls and bum around. Just the other day I was stumbling home late evening when the lift hoarding was lifted. The flooring’s not done yet, but I was so happy that finally we were not living in perpetual darkness anymore – literally. There’s finally some more space for living.
If you combine my natural moodiness with the recent spate of wet weather, you’ve got me in a constant disquiet. My hands are tied, and it’s my own choosing. My bed of roses, so to speak.
How did you feel when your heart dropped? I feel as though I can’t catch my breath, and I’m gasping and in adrenaline-flight mode. Feels like I’ve been rolling and pushing against hard walls. I constantly feel at a loss, for words and for meaning. Life isn’t about risks all the time, but it isn’t about solely survival of the fittest only right?
That’s right, I constantly see-saw between and betwixt. To wander or to stay. It is my constant conundrum – I always walk-away. In this lifetime, perhaps God is teaching artful patience; crazy family, and wilful heart.
I wish we all come with opened palms, and bleeding hearts. Lastly, let I judge myself with actions and others with their intentions.