Without Wax.

If I judge myself with intentions and you with actions, and you judge yourself the same way - then where on earth can we stand on the same ground?

So I hope I judge you, yes you, with your heart. With your intentions. Because I know, I know! I screw things up with over-rationalizing many things. And what makes sense to me is absolute baloney to you.

My actions were validated by intentions, but now. Now?

Now I don’t know, anymore.

I haven’t been posting much. Haven’t really sat down with thoughts in my head, and time to spend on them. I guess I could’ve made time, definitely. However (you sense the excuse), I was dead tired last week. The moment I reach home, I’m stoned.

There were an incredible load of events I wanted to transcribe down here, but my goldfish memory has preceded me. All I can say is that I’m tired of mind games, honestly. These games I delude myself with is quite disheartening. And I know its a solitary game because well, it always is.

Haven’t been running since Wednesday, and haven’t been reading a full-length novel since God knows when. All I have right now are magazines, newspapers and internet articles to keep me company. But I’ve Peter Caret’s His Illegal Self so I should be trigger happy and start reading it!

Finally met Diana and gang after ages at New York New York for Pris’ birthday. This easy affability is something I’ve missed I guess. Mayhap a tad superficial as well, since we haven’t seen each other for a long time, but I’m glad I still managed to catch them. At least we had history to fall back on for conversation starters instead of yknw, being silence I am not comfortable with.

I’m quite enarmoured with rainbow muffins and bento sets right now. Visual candies eh.

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

“We judge people by their actions, and our own by intentions.”

That sentence shook me quite abit.

Authenticity then, comes back to haunt me.

These pictures caught my eye.

Winged Victory of Samotrace, Louvre

Some picture I googled, because I was too lazy to find the exact photo of a rainbow cake that I was so enamored with.

Funny how these images catch your attention, and funny how I think of them at the weirdest moments.

My PP’s approved! :)

I want to sit down and think logically of things I want to achieve and how I intend to go about it. But at the rate this self - proclaimed procrastinator is going.. I think I need to book an appointment with myself.

The heart is lighter, after all these days - but the words, they don’t come easy. Oh well.

And there was this phrase I saw “i hope you’re okay like i’m okay” and well yeah, the same phrase, back to ya.

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in your grace

Jesus is: Far more and beyond what I can ever be.
I am: Striving to be His, more and more each day.
Objective: For myself to love the way He loves, for Him to be as proud of me as I am of Him. One day.
To do: Expand my heart; tear down the wall and break into pieces.

I’m thinking chirpy should be a good thing.

So many times I’m so engaged with the idea of what should be, what can be, what must be that I lose the picture I have right now, this moment, this minute.

And I don’t want that to happen.

If Armageddon happens, then hey I want so savor every moment right then right there, and not think fast forward. Just.. being.

–

On a side note, school’s been going fine. Everything’s looking good. Just as long as the adviser gets back to me with approval stamped on my PP scope, then all should be dandy. I’m not late for school anymore (Oh, what a relief!) and man I know this is off tangent, but the heat’s really frustrating man. I’m so close to dying point here.

Needless to say, I’ve been really lazy these days. Discipline girl, discipline!